There are several methods of mediation that are used by practitioners around the world to help parties reconcile or move beyond conflict. All methods involve the presence of a third person, a neutral, called a mediator, who must create a conflict-defusing space where parties can reach agreement.
Casa Tianu uses a type of mediation that seeks to empower the parties to take responsibility for their lives and engage with creating new possibilities for their future. The mediation process is not just a sequence of steps the parties need to take to reach an agreement. It is a mental and emotional, and often spiritual journey of self-discovery and self-acceptance. It also involves dealing with emotional vulnerability without losing self-confidence, and being able to forgive oneself and the other.
At Casa Tianu, the mediator creates that neutral, safe space where the parties can be themselves, without the fear of being judged or criticized.
The founder of Casa Tianu, Dana Costache, draws a parallel between custom tailoring and mediation:
” When my grandfather, who was a tailor in Romania, between the ’40s and ’80s, was seeing clients for a new suit, there would be no judgment of their size or shape. He would just take the exact, individual measurements. One thing that most people feel and want, when they go to a bespoke tailor rather than shop from a retail store, is to have a garment that fits them perfectly, and gasp at the feeling of wonder and self-love they get when they look in the mirror, at the last fitting, seeing the person they truly want to be staring back at them. In that custom-made suit they feel on top of the world. But is it really the suit that did the trick? Transformation comes from inside-out. All it needs to happen is a space where outside noise, judgment, blame and shame are eliminated, so that all there is left is kindness, peace and love.”
We, at Casa Tianu, though dealing in the art of mediation and not custom-made tailoring, honor the three principles of custom-made garments, which govern our work for all our clients:
- Bespoke tailoring is about individually made clothes.
We, at Casa Tianu, want you to know that we never compare or judge our clients. You come in as you are, and we will provide you with personalized and neutral mediation services. Personalized in the way we listen to you and understand your needs; NEUTRAL in the way we facilitate communication between you and the party you want to reach an agreement with.
Imagine that you and the party you want to reach agreement with both come in to a tailor shop and want the exact same suit, in exactly the same size. A good tailor will take your individual measurements and craft the suit to perfectly fit each of you. In the end, you will neither have the exact same suit, nor will only one of you have the suit. Mediation, like bespoke tailoring, is not about who gets the suit, but about making sure you each get a suit that fits YOU and your needs.
- There are endless possibilities of style and fabric for a custom-made garment. But you won’t be able to wear it unless it is true to your size.
So are things with the agreement you want to reach.
Mediation is not about negotiating a better agreement for you to the detriment of the other, or about using means of coercion in order to do that. Mediation is not based on the win-lose principle that litigation has been founded on.
In fact, the mediation process will help you set aside negative emotions such as anger, resentment, sadness, the desire to blame, shame or punish the other party. That is absolutely necessary in order to reach an agreement that will fit you both and stand the test of time.
Emotions are the fabric of our communication. We will help you and the party you want to reach agreement with, achieve neutral and positive states of mind during your facilitated communication, so that you can both use your critical thinking, and also your empathic abilities, when you listen and when you speak.
- People will choose the tailor who will make their garment for the person they aspire to be.
We, the mediators, have our own feelings and our own, individual, values. And so do you. Our biggest passion is to create a space for you, where you can find your true self, again, despite the current conditions you are experiencing, as bleak as they may seem to you right now. Our job is to help you make your decisions not from a place of negative thinking, but from a place of confidence in yourself and your future.
We have been greatly influenced by our own mentors, education, training and work, and this will impact the space we create for you.
We are trained in law, negotiation, family mediation, decision-making, leadership, strategic communication and multiculturalism.
Our method of mediation incorporate strategies we have learned while also studying with the father of personal development, Tony Robbins, who has helped more than 30 million people shift their lives from a state of loss and lack of self-confidence, to a place of vision, courage and self-governance.